How do you parent?

This morning was not one of my finest parenting moments... I wish I could say it won't ever happen again, that I've learned from my mistakes and will now be more effective instead of affected but that would be a lie.  I am human... I have a temper... I hate to be disrespected.  I also want to raise responsible, driven, respectful, and empathic children and expect a great deal from them.  They are capable of it and it is required in our household.  To have blatant disregard for others and for what is asked of you is not tolerated... throw in some self entitlement and a know it all attitude and you've got yourself the behavior I witnessed from 2 of our 4 children last night and this morning.

When I first sat down to blog about this I was angry... way too angry.  I typed up several sentences all stating how completely appalled I was at them, particularly the Teenager.  None of it was sitting right with me though... yes, their behavior was appalling, that was accurate but there was something I was missing.  Then I spoke to a friend and realized my responses were too tied up in how I perceived their behaviors and actions to reflect on my parenting skills rather than viewing them as their own persons with free will.  Yes, they were wrong, they did not do what they were told to do, they ignored explicit instructions numerous times and when consequences were given there was more disrespect.  They did not own their mistakes and instead they chose to argue and lie, but, it wasn't personal.  It wasn't about me... it wasn't because we didn't teach them any better.

I will say it again, they were wrong.  They will be wrong again and again... they are 9 and 14... they will make lots of mistakes.  How can I be effective though?  How can I help them to see that their choices and lack of responsibility is not a short cut.  It will not help them?  Taking the easy way out doesn't work.  Not taking responsibility for your actions and choices, needing to place the blame on someone else is not acceptable.  It seems these are near impossible habits to break.  We continuously correct the behavior.  We try to teach them how this mentality will backfire but they haven't learned it yet.  We are always there demanding that they fix things before it's too late and the consequences are greater... particularly for the teenager.  Because we are the ones presenting them with the consequences I don't believe they've been able to make the connection.

How do I get them to understand that our punishments are nothing compared to what they would suffer later?  How do I keep it together when it happens for the millionth time?  How do you not lose your cool?

*on a side note... I googled positive parenting and one of the first sentences in link that came up said "Every parent goes through times when they want to shout at their kids to get their point across,".  I found this highly amusing... do you think this person really has kids?  I promptly closed the link.  ;)