We are blessed

What a day... seriously!  I don't think I could possibly do another thing even if I wanted too.  I actually sat there with iCarly on for an entire show and just realized I could have changed it... the kids have been sleeping since 7:30!

The day started with our usual craziness... me getting 6 kids feed, 5 dressed and ready, and 7 out the door.  Insanity before 8:30am!   Mornings have forced me to become a drill sergeant.  LOL!

The Princess had her kindergarten assessment first thing this morning.  Things went well, relatively speaking... we've had some concerns about her progress over the past year and I was able to address that with the director today.  I have been watching her closely and have been extra diligent with working on things with her.  Over the past couple months though, it became clear that she wasn't progressing as she should be.  I spoke to our fantastic pediatrician and also discussed things further with the Monkey's neurologist and it seems to be more than likely that the Princess has the same learning disabilities as her brother.  Add that to the anxiety that they both share and I knew I had better get her IEP in place before school even started.  The Director agreed, (she had also worked with Nicholas for several years and immediately saw the similarities) we have our first IEP meeting for her in just over a week.

I am worried for her but also so thankful that we have such a wonderful support team in place.  As hard as it is to think we will have to do this all over again it's also old hat at this point and there is some sort of comfort in that.  Don't get me wrong... it's heartbreaking, but I think I've always known.  They are so close and love each other so much it's almost poetic that they would go through this together too...
 
The realization hit me a couple weeks ago, the one that comes when you know your world had been changing but you hadn't truly grasped the gravity of it yet.  I was going to have to watch another one of my children struggle through things that most take for granted.  Her life wasn't going to be easy either... It's was a staggering moment.  The Princess will have to work harder than most, she will have to be taught and retaught and taught again, just like each day is the first time she's being presented with the information... just like her brother, but she will eventually learn each new task and we will rejoice and celebrate with her.  She will be so proud of herself because she will have really worked for it... and we will be even prouder.

The Monkey's MRI was today as well... it was hard for him in the beginning but ended up going pretty well.  Thank you for all your kind words and prayers!  I will fill you all in on it tomorrow when my eyes will keep themselves open... we should have the results by then too.

For now, I'll leave you with something I wrote after meeting with the doctors about the Princess.  It's pretty personal and I never imagined sharing it but it feels right right now.

How much more can I handle... Shall I allow myself to fall and crumble?
Just for a moment?  I must deserve some self indulgent pity?
Alas, I know that I cannot... My love is too great, they are too important.
They need me... I will not fail them.  They never fail me... I need them.

I will fight, I will hold back the flood of tears that comes from wishing they had no struggles, that their life was boringly average.
They are not boringly average though, they could never be
They are the glistening light over the ocean
They are the butterflies dancing in the summer evening's breeze
They are everything... they are pure and good

They have an abundance of  love, compassion, excitement, and desire for everything and everyone.
They will do amazing things because they are amazing!

How could I ever, for even a moment, allow myself any self pity?  For what?
I am blessed... I am in awe of all that they are and I will fight for all that they deserve.